Mets Trade Tebow To East-Side Parking Garage

The Mets’  Tim Tebow experiment came to close over the weekend when the former Heisman Trophy winner was traded to the Quick-Park parking garage on east 47th Street in exchange for an undisclosed number of free parking passes.  Tebow reported for work early Monday and his impact was felt immediately.  In fact, the former college standout may already be among the Nation’s most admired parking attendants.  An informal survey of local customers found Tebow was already the second-most popular attendant at the Quick-Park.

Upon hearing the news, Tebow dropped to his knee in prayer.

“It’s a great honor,” Tebow said about the vote.  “I’ve still got a lot to learn, like how to drive a stick shift without grinding the gears, but God willing, I have a chance to really make an impact here.  Also, I can’t say enough about the team here at Quick-Park.  My manager Manny, little Loco with the one arm and that guy with the lazy eye who only speaks Farsi, they’ve all been great.  So while it’s nice to be appreciated, I have to say – it’s really all about the lot – not me.”

While Tebow was quick to defer to other workers, it’s undeniable that his rabid fans are flocking to the lot.  In fact, business has been up 4.8% since Tebow started working there.  Quick-Park’s regular customers have gushed over Tebow’s work.

“He’s such a nice, clean young man,” Ethel Rosebottom said of Tebow while waiting for her car.  “And such big muscles – you should see him run and get my car!  And always so polite, unlike the other attendants, who smell like moldy cheese and steal my change.  I’m pretty sure that they’ve been cursing at me in Spanish.”
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The owner of the Quick-Park was quick to point out that although he sees Tebow as an asset, the ex-Jet is still a work in progress.

“Tim?  He’s okay, I guess,” Grutzvel Slobverticz said with a shrug when asked about his new star.  “He can’t hit a curveball, but what do you expect for $8 an hour?” he asked.  “One problem I’ve seen is that sometimes when he tosses the keys to a customer, he has a tendency to drop his elbow and the keys fly off to the right.  He’s got to work on that.  Yesterday he made a wild throw and hit a kid right in the face.  And three days ago we spent twenty minutes trying to fish some lady’s keys out of a vent he threw them in.”

When asked about the long-term future for Tebow at Quick Park, Slobverticz hesitated.

“To be honest, he’s a little intense for me.  I’m kind of hoping I can trade him to my brother, who has a lot down in Florida.  I’m hoping I can get a nice, quiet Cuban in return.”